Reflection
by FandomApocalypse
Summary: As the people of the Fayz undergo the hardships of this new civilization, they reflect upon what their lives used to be like before all the adults disappeared and life was normal. Read and Review!
1. Place For My Head

**Sam: Place For My Head **

Author's Note: This is my first Fanfiction for the Gone Series! I hope you all enjoy it, and I am open for any suggestions you have for other people's "Reflections." I plan on this being about a ten chapter fic, but depending on reviews, it might be more or less. Also, Sam's Reflection takes place in Lies when he ran way to the woods after seeing Drake.

Rated T for some sexual references.

Enjoy!

Surrounding me is peace and quite. The tree branches hang full of crisp green leaves. I can only hear the faint sound of small mice and rodents scurrying beneath the leaves that have fallen. Was their lives any different for them in this strange new world? Did they feel the ominous disaster?

It was just starting to get dark all around me. Before the Fayz, this would have terrified me, but now I realize I have much more important things to be afraid of then darkness, like the noun form of the word.

Before this living hell, peace and quite were something I would get to experience everyday, before I went to bed, when the house was completely silent, except for the constant hum of the refrigerator. Now, in this other dimension of a world, piece and quite had a completely different meaning.

As silent as it is around me, in my head all I hear is screams. The screams of all of the lives lost here, the screams of the children I just deserted because of my own fear of the psychopathic killer that is Drake, the screams of Astrid, telling me I am wrong.

Now and the time before sinister creatures haunt Perdido Beach are so far away from each other. A life filled with adults to solve the problems, seems like a distant reality, like reading about the way the Pilgrims lived before electricity, hunting their food, and building their houses out of logs. Honestly, the Fayz was a similar place to that. There was no electricity no grocery stores, there was no help from anyone or anything.

I remember a time when my life consisted of surfing, school, and the occasional "The Office" marathon. No one expected much from me when I made myself disappear after the "School Bus Sam" incident. I didn't particularly care about my future, and lived for the moment. This was still when Quinn and I were tight.

Another thing I lost in the Fayz: my friendship with Quinn. The bond wasn't completely burnt, but its support beams had failed when he betrayed me for Caine, and not to mention that he was intolerable at the beginning of the Fayz.

Before all hell broke loose, I probably had a little too much time on my hands. I probably watched a little too much internet porn then I want to admit, but what fourteen year old guy doesn't? Now, I have a negative amount of time on my hands, between fighting all of the wars of the Fayz, and dealing with sibling rivalries, there isn't even time for me to breath.

I wonder what happens when the song ends, when everything goes back to normal? I wonder if it ever will. Will my successes weigh out my failures? Would my mom ever be proud of who I have become? I wanted Zil dead, deader then dead. I wanted to see him suffer in the inner most circle of Dante's Inferno. If there even was a hell, if there even was a God to make that decision after looking down on us and watch the lives he took, the destruction he caused.

Astrid would say with complete confidence that there is a God. I could never be as certain as she is about the accuracy beliefs about anything. Not even what I wanted on my Burger at McDonald's, when Albert still had it running.

She was the one good thing that had happened to me because of the Fayz. Without the Fayz, there is little doubt in my mind that our fates would intervene. All of the lives lost, all of the elegy was worth it to have Astrid the way I do. In the days before the Fayz, I watched her from afar, and had a few dreams about her where the details will never be disclosed. Without her, my life would be in complete ruins. But did I actually have her now, after the fight? Are we really still together? As controlling as she is, life isn't worth living without her.

If there is one thing I know, its that this mess of the Fayz isn't over, it will go on until we find a way to stop it, before it eradicates us all.

Don't forget to review! I hope you all enjoyed it!


	2. Famous Last Words

**Chapter 2: Famous Last Words **

Author's Note: So, I originally planed on doing Caine's next, but after starting it and getting around 800 words, I realized I hated what I wrote, and I realized I wanted to spread out the story between the really huge characters (Sam, Astrid, Caine, Diana). So, what I have decided to do is go major character, and then minor character. The minor characters are probably going to take a little less time.

This is Mary's reflection, and it takes place in Lies while she is making the choice to poof.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gone, or any of the characters in this story, or the song titles a randomly choose to name the title after (the song is usually my inspiration for the story).

Enjoy!

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Sometimes I don't even realize what I'm doing until the damage is done. I don't realize that I'm sticking the back end of a tooth brush down my throat, forcing all of the food that's in my stomach to make a second appearance. Then, what is left is the shame undeniable shame, and the burn in my throat.

In the Fayz, most of what shows up in the toilet (or should I say hole) is fowl smelling bile. When life was normal, it used to actually have particles of food in it, mushed up from being partially digested and mixed with stomach acid.

I can only imagine what people think of me now, after Astrid's little speech. At least she got little support. The words that escaped out of her mouth about my personal issues changed the way everyone saw me. Now, some pity me, while others were disgusted by how selfish it was of me. Everyone was starving to death a few weeks ago, and there I was making myself throw up the little food that I was granted. "I hated myself especially for that, seeing all of the thin, dying children of the Fayz, begging for food, going as far as to eat their beloved family pets to get it.

Most of the time, I tell myself I do this because of stress, but the truth is, I did this before I knew what stress even was. I did this before I knew what it was like to have way to many children for anyone to handle counting on me for food, love, and protection against the horrible happenings in the Fayz. I have always had help from John and the many other people that were forced to come and change diapers by Sam. There was also Francis, but he took the big poof as Orsay told him to do. He was hopefully right, and set free, back into normal life. The truth is, I do this because of my own insecurities.

And now, I have to make this decision myself, take a leap of fate, and have faith I end up on the other side, where my mother is waiting for me. I miss my mother so much, and respect her so much more now that I truly know what it's like to deal with little kids all day long, and to have someone looking for you to save them at any moment. But, what if it was suicide, as Astrid had said? What if Orsay was telling everyone stories of a false salvation? Or was she divine intervention as Nerazza had expressed?

What about John? He betrayed, he made me hurt so much inside. John had always been so sweet, and innocent. Now, the Fayz had even tarnished him, the one I thought could never be changed from his goodhearted ways. He lied to me, his only sister, and he did it because he was told by some full-of-herself witch told him too. He betrayed his honesty for me, for someone he barely knows, for someone who has done nothing to help the Fayz in the numerous disasters that have happened. Astrid was a liar, and the Prophetess was going to save use all, I am sure of it now.

I remember a time months ago, but it feels like a millennium ago where my life had been so easy, minus my eating disorder, and depression. I had risen early to get to school, sat in boredom for six hours straight, returned home to watch mindless television, ate dinner, threw it up, and did my homework halfheartedly. Now, I still get up early, if I had even gotten any sleep the night before, but now, all day long I clean up every substance that comes out of a young child's body, I do this so often, its almost starting to not disgust me. I comfort them, and provide them with food.

All of the little kids look up to me like I am their hero. Why should they look up to me? Why should they want anything from me? They look to me to help them solve their problems, when I can't even solve my own. Purple, green, orange; I swallow any color pill as long as they are suppose to help depression. Most of them are risky for anyone under eighteen to take because of an increased chance of suicidal thoughts. Was that why I as looking into the "stepping out" option. Was it all the Prozac's fault?

No, I'm doing the right thing. I'm going to step out, and take the children who look up to me so much out of this everlasting fire. Maybe then, they would have a good reason to look up to me. I have to have faith in myself, and Orsay. Why would the girl lie about something like that? After all, I have seen the way she read through the Fayz wall. Only a cruel, heartless person could ever lie about having communication beyond the wall that keeps us caged like helpless birds. It was time to open up the door, and be set free.

I will take this step, I will fly free from my cage, with the children trailing behind me, all of us holding hands. We will get to the other side, and I will finally be the person they thought me to be.

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Don't Forget to review! I hope you enjoyed it! Caine's chapter is next!


	3. House of Wolves

**Caine: House of Wolves  
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**Author's Note: **I had this chapter more then half way done a few weeks ago, but I realized I had missed the point of Caine completely. Also, I just realized that I did not remove the chapter content when I uploaded chapter one. That wasn't suppose to be there, and I did remove it. Disregard the order because it has changed. Sorry for my oops.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gone, or any of the characters in this story, or the song titles a randomly choose to name the title after (the song is usually my inspiration for the story).

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Every one always ends up going towards the light. Good always seems to be able to undo the strong holds of evil. Sam was the light, and he was as successful as always as defeating the evil, even though my grip was so tight.

Everyone in Perdido Beach looks at me in the way that people look at Hitler. Disgust and hatred can be seen in there eyes. I battled Sam. I shut off their power. I stole their food. I may not have made their parents disappear, and a wall come up and cage them in like animals in a zoo, but I only added to their long list of losses.

I didn't wake up one day and say to myself that I want to be the bad guy. I never made the choice of whether to be evil or good. I believe that there are very few people who do things for the sake of being evil. Those people of the world are the sociopath killers, the gold diggers who have no problem digging a hole for their husband with the bullet in his head. I know one of these people, who kills for no reason but for the fun and power it brings them: Drake. Unlike Drake's masochistic ways, there was only one thing that turned me into this monster. It was the want for power.

Power is a drug. It's like a hallucinogen, making you see only what you want to. It makes even the most rational person reckless and controlling. It takes over your whole body, replacing your heart with an evil thirst for more of the drug. Every life you take is another high, like a needle penetrating the thick, dark colored veins of a heroin addict. A piece of metal lacerating the frail skin of a person who wears their emotions as red slashes on their wrists. It's a feeling of control over others, of power, and even of happiness. But its all fake, because at the end of the day, the stains on your mind of the things you have done will never wash out, no matter how hard you scrub.

Out loud, I will never say I regret what I have done. In this hell of a world, you can't show weakness or guilt. All you can do is try to be prepared for whatever hardship the Fayz will throw at you next, whether it be hunger or sickness.

I wish I could just go to sleep one night and fall back into the real world. I hunger to fall back into the clean sheets of my dorm bed even more then I do power. I just want the peace of what my life was like before I got the Power. I want to just go back to being your average popular bully, not one with unexplainable powers due to radiation poisoning.

As much as I used to hate my dad for sending me to Coats, I hate him double that now. If he hadn't sent me away here I wouldn't be stuck in this forsaken place, sick in the head from the endless corruption of the Gaiphage.

In most cases, I believe I got what I deserved. Karma had finally gotten me when it threatened to take Diana's life.

Some how in all of this, she is the only good thing I still have, if I can even consider her good. We are two pees in a pod, both dark with a streak of cruel. If we are even capable of love, it's to each other, and even then it's tainted with our undeniable malicious ways.

Before her, I don't think I ever felt love for anyone. Even with my "parents", I felt out of place and needy for attention I would never receive. They were too busy with their own agendas. My father had to work his long hours at the office, while my mom had to be the socialite she thought she was meant to be. Lack of love and affection can permanently damage a child, as it did to me.

I hope my parents regret sending me away. I hope they can watch every move I make, and every disaster that plays out in the Fayz. I hope they can see what the Gaiphage has done to my mind. I just hope that they can see what they turned me into.

Even if I get out of here alive, I will never be the way I was before I was thrown into this dangerous world of corruption.

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Sorry for such a long wait, but I hope you enjoyed chapter three! Remember to review.


	4. Good Bye Blue Screen

**Good By Blue Screens: Computer Jack**

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much for all of the reviews and support. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as the others, and I am sorry for such a long wait on this chapter. Since the other chapters were written before Plague came out, I think that some chapters from here on out might have spoilers, but some might not depending on my mood and their involvement in Plague.

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The darkness is everywhere. The screens as black as the night sky, missing the glow of a website's flamboyant colors. The telltale green light of a fully alive computer, blank.

In my eyes, the world might as well already be dead, because what I cared about most in life was lost in the wreckage of this dis-utopia.

Computers had been my life. They were my natural talent before the Fayz. I could both use and fix them. I could hack government files, knew every backdoor known to man kind, and all of the professional terms. Computers are as easy for me to understand as English, and twice as easy as dealing with people my own age.

The screens did not dim before going black. Just like the Fayz, there was no preparation to what would happen next in the endless chain of events. The world as we knew it just turned off just like the screen, leaving us scared and alone, isolated from whatever rests outside of the wall.

Before the Fayz, when I didn't have the strength of the Hulk to rely on, computers saved me. I was valuable to the bullies. If they needed to hack a school file to change a grade they had me. It helped me stay alive in Coats Academy, even though I was still labeled a geek, it was better then being the geek with the black eye. They could only beat me up a little, but never would do me enough harm that I wouldn't do their biding.

Now what was I? My computer skills do me no good with their batteries being drained. I have twice the strength of your regular body builder, but what good am I really? I'm not like Sam, shooting beams of deadly light from his hands (I wish he could shoot beams of lights at a Mac Book and give it a full charge but he has more important things to do). I'm not like Caine, thank God if there is one. I would never want to be the bad guy, pinning people against walls with his telekinesis, and invading small beach towns with the same Charisma that Hitler used when coming to power. Yet somehow, I became Diana's secret weapon.

I will never understand why Diana chose me to be her secret spy. Maybe she secretly has a thing for nerds who's scrawny arms have the strength of a body builders?

I used to have a crush on her. Come to think of it, every guy at Coats did. It was partly because of her long dark hair, and developed body, but also had something to do with her being Caine's, and since everyone wanted to be him, they also wanted his possible girl friend.

Thing's changed though when I meet Brianna, or the Breeze as she nicknamed herself. I think I like her because she would fit right into one of the comic books I used to collect before the Fayz. She had the super heroine name, the bad ass powers, and the attitude for it.

Her and Dianna are polar opposites. Brianna is bubbly and kind (as long as you are not on Caine's side, or a coyote) and Dianna is intimidating and manipulative, and also quite a bitch. If there is one thing they have in common though, it is that they both make me nervous and my palms sweat all for the same reason.

I don't get what Brianna sees in me. I'm a scrawny nerd that never expected to have much of a relationship outside of his computer. I thought I would be using my computer to fill the void of a relationship, on sketchy sites that would make my parents cringe to see me on.

If there is anything I can be thankful for in the Fayz, its for giving me The Breeze, even though she makes me feel awkward and confused. But when the Fayz walls come down, I hope that the President offers us some reward for making it out. I'm sure most will take a trip to Disney Land, but all I want is a room, a plug, and a laptop.

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please review, and I will tell you what pathetic soul is going to pour their heart out next!


	5. Wonder Wall

Author's Note: I have been waiting a while to write Astrid's since I knew it would be time consuming and also an important one. I know this one is rather short, but I don't want it to be over kill.

Read and Review!

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Please God, forgive me for my sins.

They are all useless. No good came of me throwing Petey to the insects.

Now I'm here, alone in a dark shack on Caine's Perdido Beach. I have no light, I have no food, and I have no hope. I don't even have Sam.

How could I go with him after all I have done? After all he has done? How can I surround myself with someone that makes me reasonable happy when I led to my brothers death?

My helpless brother is dead because I could not take the Fayz anymore. I was exhausted by the suffering: my own, and of those around me. I thought that Little Pete's death would take down the wall surrounding us. I thought that his death was worth it because of the good that it would bring. Children now crippled by their experiences could be reunited with their parents. We could all go back to school and become something other then the monsters that surround us.

I not only thought that his death would stop this all, but would even be worth it. I thought I was making a sacrifice for Petey that he could not make by himself. His death would be like martyrdom. God would understand it, and forgive us.

I was wrong once again.

Before the flagitious world of the Fayz, I was not used to being wrong. I was Astrid the Genius, a freshman in high school taking college courses. Known for obnoxiously correcting my teachers on facts that they got wrong. Fellow classmates of mine would come to me with Biology questions, and even occasionally ask for weekly tutoring. Wrong became a new word in my teeming vocabulary.

I had been wrong about my emotional capacity, what information to withhold from the children of the phase, wrong about the way out.

I only did one right thing, and that was stepping down from town council. I was not equipped for the job. My every decision was biased because of my beliefs, or tainted because of my job to keep Little Pete safe.

Every decision I had made up until the ants was to keep Petey safe. Even Sam, had the benefit of being able to keep him safe and he did. He kept his secret and protected him. Even in the very beginning, he had helped me find him. He had understood that in the hierarchy of my life, Pete had to come first.

I used him, but it does not mean I didn't love him. I still do, even though I did not go with him. I can't even take myself right now and he does not deserve to be around me in this condition. I wish he could understand how I feel, because I fear that I have finally hurt him too much for either of us to deal with.

Even when he has hurt me it is because I pushed him to that edge. He had enough problems to deal with besides my unwillingness to be intimate. I swatted him away like a fly so much that he went and got drunk alone at the beach. He kissed Taylor because I had pushed him away, and I refused to give him what he really needed: my body.

As much as I fear the Gaiphage, I fear what Sam does to me just as much. I know that he wants and needs more from our relationship physically. The more time I spend with him the less self control I can manage to push him away. I want it too, equally as much as he does. But after all I have done, it would just be putting another coin in my overflowing purse of sins.

Had I been in this town on that day, would I be on the winding path to hell? Would I have been able to keep my soul pure of sin? At my death would I believe I was departing to Paradise, or Hell?

Now, I am sure that I am going to Hell, but I am also certain that it will be better then the Fayz. At least I won't be able to cause even more damage on Earth.

God, forgive me for my sins and help me to be able to forgive myself. Amen.


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